Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Finding Some Peace

Thank you all for your kind words. You have no idea how comforting it is to read your words and know that, although I often feel very much alone on this journey, you are all there offering constant support. I am feeling much better (mentally) today.

The fetal f.ibronectin test was negative, which gave me a huge sense of relief. As i sit here contracting, I know that no test is definitive, but these results have helped me find a sense of peace. I don't feel so much like my every move means life or death for my baby. That alone is a huge sense of relief. I still carry so much guilt for Owen's death, I just don't know if I am strong enough for anymore.

8 comments:

CLC said...

Hang in there Ashleigh. I hope the next few weeks fly by and are uneventful. You can do it!

c. said...

You are strong enough, Ashleigh. Absolutely. Thinking of you, sending you big hugs. XO.

janis said...

I just want to send you lots of strength and peace. It took me a long time not to feel guilty. My son was stillborn a day before your last year, so I am really remembering Owen with you. Best wishes.

k@lakly said...

The guilt. It's awful. I guess it's just part of being a mom, thinking we didn't do enough to protect our children, even when there really was nothing more we could do to protect them.
I hope the next few weeks hurry by and that you are holding your happy, screaming, healthy baby close in your arms very soon.
Did you resolve the date yet??
xxoo

Ange said...

You are doing so well and are obviously one tough cookie. Won't be long now and little one will be here. Thinking of you all the time. Hugs x

Clarissa said...

Hang in there Ashleigh.

No matter how your child dies - a parent will always have sense of guilt. I guess we think we're put here to protect them...and when we realize how fragile life is (even their life) - we cannot help but feel guilt for not protecting them.

Come on full-term!!! You can do it!!

a- said...

I think if you really really think about it, you'll find that you really really ARE strong enough. Think good thoughts and know that I am thinking of you and wishing that the next few days and weeks fly by for you.

Zellie said...

Hi Ashleigh, I am new here, I just lost my baby boy three weeks ago. He was stillborn at 40 weeks. Everything I write to you seems wrong....I am thinking about you.