Monday, February 25, 2008

My list

I've been tagged by c. for this one. If you've seen that episode of F.riends, you are familiar with "the list" of celebrities that you are allowed to sleep with if the opportunity should arrive. I have to qualify though, I've never had this discussion with JD, so really mine is just of famous guys who really do it for me. So here they are (not in any order either)

1. George Clooney - He is just so very yummy and comes across as pretty charming in most interviews.

2. Hugh Grant - I love men who make me laugh and he's good-looking too. Does it get any better?

3. Patrick Stewart - He just has this presence. And the voice....*sigh*...

I'll have to come back to tag people - I only had a minute but wanted to share!

Thursday, February 21, 2008


I've been tagged by Coggy I have really enjoyed reading everyone else's responses (and am more than a little surprised by how often I was thinking "hey me too!")

The rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you (As above).
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

1.) I can fit my entire hand (up to my wrist) in my mouth. I've been told I look like a snake devouring its prey when doing it. It made me quite popular at fraternity parties.

2.) I taught myself to read at a very early age (like before four). My mom said she wasn't really sure how old I was as one day she just realized I was reading things around me. As a result, I read more like a speed reader than line by line and phonics totally baffles me to this day.

3.) I hate talking on the phone to people I don't know. Even if there were no food in the house, I would rather go hungry than order out myself. And honestly, I don't even really like talking on the phone with people I do know. So, if you are someone I talk to on the phone with any regularity, you can be sure I really care about you.

4.) I absolutely LOVE ramen noodles. I grew up in a very traditional household. My mom was a homemaker in the most J.une C.leaver way and as a result we had 3 homemade meals a day my whole life growing up. I never had ramen noodles until college and I fell in love. I still consider them a "treat."

5.) I have never had a cavity. And no I'm not a freak about brushing and flossing. My dad (who is also my dentist) says I have the hardest teeth he has ever seen.

6.) If it doesn't contain chocolate, I don't consider it truly dessert.

So that's me. Who's next?

I think pretty much everyone has already been tagged or has done this recently. So, if you are reading this and haven't gone yet, consider yourself tagged!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Retail Therapy

One year ago this morning, I got the faintest pink line on a pregnancy test.

Today I went out and bought myself some new maternity clothes. It's silly but it made me feel excited. I'm starting to let myself believe i might actually get a baby out of this. It scares the sh%t out of me.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Hope Blooms

* I wanted to put a warning on this post and let you know that is about my new pregnancy. I realize it may be difficult(to say the very least) for some of you to read. I am very sorry for any pain it may cause and truly understand if some choose not to read or comment.

So I went this morning for my F.irst Tri.mester screening. I haven't talked much about it because I really haven't been feeling very confident about things. In fact, I was pretty sure when they started the ultrasound I would see another deadbaby. So sure that I spent the drive there composing a blog entry about it in my head. My new midwives sent me to a major medical center that specializes in high risk pregnancies. In the waiting area, I watched the other women carefully, wondering if there were any other deadbabymamas waiting with me. I decided it was no- no one had that haunted look I've come to recognize in the mirror. After they called me in, the sonographer asked me which number pregnancy this was for me and I told her it was my fifth. She did a bit of a double take (I'm told I look young- I don't think so but I do actually still get carded on sort of a regular basis.) Then she asked how many of those pregnancies went to term. Just one, my first. K was born just shy of 36 weeks, so she's not considered a term pregnancy. I had an early (5 week) loss, and my son, Owen was stillborn at 27 weeks. She noted this all and told me how sorry she was. She seemed genuine which was nice. She asked how I was feeling and I told her I was scared. She patted me gently on the arm and said she would try to help with that. She pulled up the image and there on the screen was a baby. It was recognizable as a baby and I started to cry. She said I think there's something you need to hear and all of a sudden the room was filled with the sound of my baby's heart beating. I swear at that moment, the baby waved at me and hope bloomed in my heart again. The sonographer spent a long time looking over the baby, showing me everything and reassuring me that all looked great. Then she called the doctor in and he did the same. It was wonderful and necessary. Now I know that as the days and weeks pass by I will grow fearful again, but for today I want to grab onto that flicker of hope and nuture it as best I can.

Friday, February 1, 2008

His Name

I have this compulsion to say Owen's name out loud at least once a day. Often, I'll just whisper it to myself, sort of a reminder, I guess. Its gotten so I don't even really notice I'm doing it. Its part of my routine, like brushing my teeth before bed. Last night, I stopped and really paid attention. I love the sound of his name. I realized, though, I always say it the same - like a sigh. I think of all the different ways I say his brother and sister's names- laughing, questioning, frustrated, frightened, joyful. I want to stand in my backyard and call Owen's name over and over in all those different ways. Most of all, though, I want him to come running when I call.

* J. is fine- thank you all for asking. Antibiotics may have changed the fate of many a 19th century literary heroine.