Friday, March 28, 2008

Breathing a Little Easier

I went to see the perinatalogist today for an in-depth ultrasound. To cut to the chase, everything looked perfect. As he said "Today your baby is as healthy as any baby could possibly be." I know only too well that good ultrasounds are not guarantees, but it was really nice to hear (and see some for myself.)

He also spent some time going over Owen's autopsy report and talking with me about what happened. It was the first time I had discussed everything in detail with someone not associated with the hospital where Owen was born and it was very interesting. Basically, the doctors from the hospital that delivered Owen all said that there was nothing out of the ordinary other than the abnormal bleeding in his brain. The new perinatalogist did not agree. He was concerned by Owen's size (he measured the size of a 32 weeker and had died in the 26th week of gestation.) He seemed to believe this indicated that something had already gone wrong in his development. Especially since I had an ultrasounnd about 4 weeks before he died in which he was reported to be measuring on track for my dates. This perinatalogist basically said, either they did the ultrasound poorly and those measurements were way off, or Owen grew at a decidedly abnormal rate following the ultrasound (he would have grown 10 weeks growth in 4 weeks which is well outside the realm of normal.) Unfortunately, my records being what they are, we will never know for sure. I am surprisingly okay with that right now. Do I wish things were different? Absolutely. But I'm not torturing myself with what ifs anymore. I guess that's progress, right?


CLC said...

I am glad that everything looks as good as it can be at this stage. What a relief for you. And I am even more glad that you are not torturing yourself anymore with the what ifs. It's all great news.

Clarissa said...

So glad to hear Ashleigh.

I'm sure it was very informative to get a different opinion of why Owen might have passed away. Although the answers will never be clear - at least you can say - you have tried your best.

Have you decided on whether you'll be finding out the sex? Or will this one be a surprise like the rest were??

Ange said...

oh wow good for you - not beating yourself up about the new Owen information. How super to also get great news re your new bub.
Really lovely.

k@lakly said...

Good news is good news, I say. Hope you get some mental relief from it. Are they going to look into the growth issue with Owen? Could it have been GD?? The doc sounds nice and competent, what a great combo!
Keeping it all crossed for more good news for all of you Ashliegh. Hope the health genen has returned to the wee one:)

STE said...

Glad you got good news on your ultrasound, and that you were able to let go of the 'what ifs.' They are the worst for me.

It sounds like you have a great doctor on your side. So glad to hear it!

c. said...

OMG, I wish I was progressing so well. It would have felt nice to speak with someone not directly related to the situation, just to get a different take on the whole thing.

As for your baby, I am so happy to know that things are moving along well. XO.

Catherine said...

Your Owen sounds so much like my Alex that I can not help but feel a special kinship with you. I am cheering you on...with each healing step you take. I wish you all the best.