Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Lullaby

The first night K and I were in the hospital, around 7:30 pm or so, I heard the familiar strains of a lullaby played over the PA system. It only lasted 30 seconds or so and was played fairly quietly. At first, I thought maybe it was something they did in the pediatric ward, as a way of soothing the little ones around bedtime. That was a rough night for K and we were up a lot with doctors and nurses in and out constantly. I thought I heard it again around 3 am, but at that point I wasn't really thinking about lullabies too much. The next day, K started to show some improvement and I heard it again around 2 pm. And again about an hour and a half later. At that point, I thought maybe it was a toy belonging to a child in an nearby room. Late that evening, it played again and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. They were playing it when a baby was born. This realization hit me while the respiratory therapist was working with K and so I asked her about. She smiled and confirmed what I dreaded hearing. "Yes," she said, "They play it every time a baby is delivered. The mother gets to press the button as they leave the delivery room."

All I could think was no, not every time. No one played a lullaby for Owen. It made me so angry. It still does. Didn't my sweet boy deserve a lullaby too? Didn't he count?

13 comments:

yummysushipajamas said...

Yes, Owen deserves a lullaby. It's not too late... I'll sing him one today if you'd like.

I am so sorry for the hurt here. I know how wrong it seems that you never got that. It isn't fair, and I wish I knew why...

CLC said...

Yes, he deserved one too. I am sorry they didn't allow you to do that. It just sucks..

c. said...

That makes me mad, too. That is an awful realization. Would you have pushed the button at the time? I think you should talk to the hospital about extending this priviledge to ALL births. Owen deserved a lullaby, too. He absolutely did. XO.

Ashleigh said...

c.- I have been thinking about it a lot. I honestly don't know if I would have wanted to push the button that morning but it would have been nice to be the one to make that decision. When I'm being kind, I imagine they didnt ask about it to spare me- when I'm not, then i think that they don't count my Owen with all the other babies born there.....

Clarissa said...

Honestly, I would not want the job of a doctor or a nurse while seeing a parent loose a child.

I'm sure the last thing on their minds was the silly feel-good song - I'm sure they were more concerned for you and J, but most of all - they must have been distraught that a tiny innocent baby died.

Hence, I'm glad I'm a marketer.

k@lakly said...

I don't know if I would have wanted to push the button right after...I think I would have been pissed if they had asked, you know, something like, My baby is dead why would I want to play a lullabye for him.
Of course now I would but my perspective is so different..now I'd do anything to have him recognized even for a few seconds. Maybe you can ask the hospital about it, suggest something for the future dead baby moms we know, sadly, are coming. A different song, chimes or a harp something that says a child has been born and is gone.
Heartbreking.

lifecanbeashit said...

Even though I understand why your angry and upset I actually thought this was a really nice thing that the hospital does. Maybe they need to somehow bring it up with parents of bubs who are born sleeping. Even if they didnt get the parents to push the button they could get a nurse to do it.

Hugs
xxx

Meg said...

The hospital I go to plays Brahm's Lullaby whenever a baby is born too. At first, I thought this was such a cute idea. Now I think I look at it differently. I am so sorry....

Ann said...

They play that lullaby at the hospital where I work, too. When I first got back to work, I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it. But now I can ignore it.

I have learned that in our hospital, they wait to play the lullaby until things are confirmed to be OK. I suppose they only want it played on happy occasions.

STE said...

Owen deserved a lullaby. It seems to me that any child brought into the world, living or still, should get a lullaby.

I mean, what's the purpose of playing a lullaby when a baby is born? What's the point? Is it a celebration? Is it to congratulate the parents? the baby doesn't hear it, doesn't know it's happening.

If it's a way to honor a new life in the world, then every baby should get a lullaby. Because even for a short time, it's likely that every parent dreamed of singing one to his or her child. Their lives were touched, if even for a short time.

It makes me so sad that your son didn't get one.

niobe said...

I've heard of other hospitals doing this and it seems horribly callous, reminding the grieving parents over and over again that there are so many other parents celebrating the safe birth of their babies.

Coggy said...

I don't know that I could have pushed the button after giving birth to J. I think I would have felt like it was mocking me. I wonder if the hospital realizes that they have managed to inadvertantly separate the deadbaby moms from the live ones yet again.

Sarah said...

Dear Lord, yes yes yes, your Owen deserves a lullaby and as his mama you deserve to push the button.

I'm so sorry.
-Sarah