Monday, November 26, 2007

What Would You Do?

I have a friend, S. We have been friends for almost a decade now but, due to time, family and distance, we probably only talk around 2-3 times a year now. Circumstances being what they were (mild hyperemesis, two small children, a move out of state, summer vacations, etc.), I never got around to telling her I was pregnant. Then Owen died and I crawled into myself and hid for the next few months. So, of course I got a nice newsy email from her a few days ago wanting to catch up. She asked how things are with us and I don't even know where to start. I find the thought of explaining everything just too exhausting to contemplate. At the same time, I can't write back and not mention Owen. So, I've done nothing.


C. said...

How about a link to your blog? You've done such a wonderful job honouring Owen's life in it, what better way to introduce your friend to him and to your experience by simply sending her here. Just a thought...

Coggy said...

C's idea is very good if you are willing to share you blog with friends (I'm not).
It's a difficult one to handle. I had a phone call from someone I hadn't spoken to in a long time and didn't even know I was pregnant. I just came right out with it and said it, as hard as it was to find the words.
In contrast I bumped into a distant acquaintance today at the supermarket, he didn't know I'd been pregnant. I didn't mention it as I didn't think it the time or place and really I hardly see him.
I felt really guilty though, like I was dishonoring Jacob.
We should all just have T-shirts made it would make it all a lot easier.
Sorry not much advice there but I think it sounds like you know you want to tell her, it's just how to do it.

heather said...

I think it is truly important to share what has happened to you. Owen's existence and loss are a HUGE part of who you are now, and if you want to remain friends then you should share it.

Your friend will understand. If you are concerned about it, think ahead about what you need from her and tell her that... sympathy, encouragement, just an ear... whatever it is!

Rosalind said...

I think all of these ideas are great..

I know the feeling when you have to retell 'your story' all over again.. But it is just that 'your story' 'our story'..Take time and think what's more comfortable for you .. Take all the time you need

Rosalind said...

I think all these ideas are good

I know the feeling of having to re-tell 'the story' It's difficult.. I have told mine what feels like 1000 times and it doesn't get any easier..

Baby Owen wasn't a little secret.. He's a part of your family and a REAL part of you.

It's 'your story' to tell so take some time to think what your comfortable with .. take all the time you need..'smile'

Carole said...

This is such a hard one. I agree with Coggy...we all need t-shirts. You could always write a quick e-mail back saying something along the lines of...while you've been out of touch your family has gone through a tragedy...your beautiful son Owen died before his birth...and that maybe you can share the story with her later. That way she knows what happened and it gives you some breathing room until you are ready.

charmedgirl said...

i just want to don't have to do ANYTHING. i have let things slide because i don't feel like doing anything about them. in time, i will. when i feel like it. and i am telling myself that i can do whatever the F i want right now! i have a personal inside joke to myself- i have a golden ticket. i can do and say (or ignore) whatever i need to.

i have voicemails piling up, thank you cards to write...but not yet. and that's ok. keep doing nothing if you want.

Andy & Jill said...

I am so, so sorry about your loss. I lost my daughter, Catherine when I was 2 days overdue on February 19, 2005. Your blog is so similar to my feelings and situation(s) then and now. I just started keeping a blog recently but I haven't used it much. It's if you ever want to check it out.