Afterwards

JD and I stayed by the grave long after everyone had left. The gravedigger came to bury Owen. He was a huge man. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable with us there. I imagined that he did not bury many babies. He drove forward slowly in a backhoe, the bucket filled with dirt. And then I did something unexpected, even by me. I asked him if we could do it. He was surprised but willing. He and JD gently lowered Owen into the ground by hand. Then he got us a shovel and together JD and I buried our son. When we had finished, the gravedigger got on his hands and knees and gently patted the earth smooth. I thanked him for taking such good care of my son. Then I went home and threw out my shoes.