Thursday, October 4, 2007

Destination Unknown

These past few days have busy, full of the mundane things that make each day fly by and leave you wondering what you actually got done that day. I went most of the day yesterday without thinking about Owen and I don't know how I feel about that. Actually, that's not true, I know exactly how I feel about that. I feel awful and guilty. After all, what kind of mother "forgets" about one of her children? But then again, it felt kind of good to feel a little bit "normal" again. I mean what exactly is my goal on this path of grief? To go days without thinking of him? To "move on," as so many well-meaning people have suggested I do? To remember him and not feel like I would do anything to have him here with me? None of that seems right. I don't know how to do this and I hate it.

1 comment:

missing_one said...

First off, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Owen.
I read through your story with tears in my eyes.

Secondly, many will tell you to "move on" and it stings, even people you trust. But you will never "move on" for the reasons you mentioned in your post. He was one of your children and how could a mother "move on" in the sense that everyone is implying?
Thinking of you.