Friday, October 19, 2007


It's funny because I really haven't felt much anger since losing Owen. Everything I've read about grief and everyone I've talked to has mentioned anger as one of the initial stages of grief and I've been feeling like maybe I'm doing it wrong or something - until yesterday. We got a bill from the Medical Center where I had my prenatal care and where Owen was delivered. I was glancing over it and at the bottom I notice a charge for a Fetal Nuchal Translucency scan and the date of service- August 16, 2007. My heart just stopped and I was (and am) livid. I know my anger over what is obviously a mistake is irrational and misplaced but I can't help myself. I called the phone number on the bill and of course its a billing service not related to the Medical Center in any way and the woman I speak with knows nothing. I explain I believe there's been an error and I know I didn't have this particular service. And then she asked if I was certain. I almost lost it, through clenched teeth I told her that yes I was certain as the pregnancy had ended over two weeks earlier when the baby was born dead. She told me that she would have an account manager "look into it" and call me back. She never said she was sorry and no one has called me back. I think I hate them now and I am very very angry.


Anonymous said...

Ah yes, anger.
At times, it made itself known by just being a little testy (especially at those I love) and at other times, it took over as rage.
Finding a way to channel the anger is good. For me, I had to go to the gym about every day for the first month.
oh, and there is no way to do the grief thing, "wrong"..but you knew that.

Julia said...

I, too, didn't do anger for the longest time. It took me something like five months to hit that place. And for me, too, it was at random surrounding things. It seems to have passed, at least for now. There are times, though, when I wouldn't mind summoning that righteous boiling eff-you for some idiot or other I meet on my daily travels.

I am so sorry about the death of your beautiful Owen. I've got nothing more-- just so so so sorry.