So today is the day. Owen was due today. While he may not have actually been born today, I have reason to believe that, had everything gone perfectly, he would be here by now. (K was born over 4 weeks early and J arrived exactly on his due date.) Up until now most of my thoughts have been along the lines of I should still be pregnant and I have found myself, for the most part, acting accordingly. I have had a difficult time doing anything that I normally wouldn't do while pregnant- drinking alcohol, lifting heavy objects, strenuous exercise, etc.- even though I know that there is no reason for me to avoid these things. Now, though, all I can think is we should have a baby now. The 'aching arms' feeling so many of you have talked about has become so real for me in the past few days. As I think about the upcoming holidays, all I can think about is how different things will be than we had planned. I always host Thanksgiving for our families and JD and I had spent many hours discussing whether or not we would be able to. "After all, we would have a newborn!" I said. Whether or not we would be able to spend Christmas eve at my dad's place. "All of us in the same room with a newborn??" JD said. We went over and over these things- what a waste.
Today is just Monday- nothing special, nothing exciting might happen today. It's just Monday. Owen has been gone for 13 weeks.
5 comments:
(((Ashleigh)))
And Monday, A would have been 9 months. Its unreal to me...the life we should have had today vs. the life we live currently.
paige was born on her due date, so every week is just another week past. but it seems like now you need to start over in a way. and that sucks. i'm sorry.
(((hugs)))
It is absolutely NOT "just Monday." There will never be another "just" day for you, and that's alright. Every day will be touched by what you've been through.
I don't know, but I wonder if time will make the markers farther apart. When I was pregnant, I sent out an email every Monday to my family with updates on the developments we could expect that week. I still read them and cry. Today I would have, should have been 23 weeks and 3 days.
If you need someone extra to talk to, vent to, or cry to, I'm happy to help.
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