Lately, I find myself struggling to find a place where I belong. As I get further along in this pregnancy, I'm actually starting to believe that I may take home a baby sometime in August. As thrilled as I am about that possibility, it separates me some from the little community of deadbaby mamas that I've found out here in the blogosphere. I read the blogs and want to comment, but feel so self-conscious and hyper aware of my state that I hesitate. I don't quite belong the way I did a few months ago.
At the same time, I lurk on a few due date clubs and know that without a doubt I don't belong there either. I read their posts about all their grand plans for labor and birth and baby rearing and just cringe. Don't they realize talking about those plans may just tempt the fates to steal it all away from them? At least that's how I feel. I feel like I should start making some plans in case this baby does arrive this summer. Then again, planning anything feels like incredible hubris. I'm stuck here and kind of floundering. I wish there was some guide to follow.
I find myself in this strange no man's land. I don't know what I feel, other than alone.