Thursday, June 19, 2008

No Laughing Matter

You know what makes me both mad and sad? I have not allowed myself to laugh at this pregnancy at all. I've taken it all so seriously and expected JD to do the same. In reality, there has been a lot to laugh about (the never ending growth of my breasts being first on JD's list, I'm sure.) but, I'm so busy being afraid that I"m missing it. I want that easy confidence that enables you to laugh at the craziness of growing another person inside you. I think I've been mourning this baby before there is anything to mourn. That's not right; not for me, not for Owen, not for this baby.

I have no silly nickname for this baby. I want that to change.


c. said...

Amazing how different life becomes, how different we are in the aftermath of our losses. I want to sing like a maniac in my car again. I want to laugh hysterically until my face hurts. I want to do cartwheels at the idea that I'm pregnant again...still. But, I can't. I know I don't have to explain why. I just can't.

I hope you come up with a nickname for babe.

CLC said...

I can't even imagine the anxiety. I hope you come up with a good nickname, maybe something that makes you smile?

Ange said...

Good luck...Over the years I have had Puka, Spud, Schnappy, The Bean or Beanie any of them take your fancy..hee. Really bizarre is the word verification to enable me to comment on your blog is beiny?? Coincidence??