Monday, December 24, 2007
Since Owen died, I've found that my wishes are simpler. Instead of grand plans for the future, I just want to get through the day complete- or complete enough. I don't always wish for perfection or even happiness, just survival. It's something that has made me very sad. I really don't want to just survive. I want to glory in my life. But I am afraid. Do you think one can make a conscious decision to be hopeful again? To dream big while knowing that the worst can happen to you? I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, but during this holiday season, I've found myself coming back to the same phrase, time and time again. A friend wrote to me that she wished for me to find "the peace that passes all understanding." It has stuck with me. I think that's really what I need. Peace even when there should be none. Hope when it doesn't make sense to be hopeful. Joy in the midst of sorrow. I wish that for all of us this holiday season.