I have this compulsion to say Owen's name out loud at least once a day. Often, I'll just whisper it to myself, sort of a reminder, I guess. Its gotten so I don't even really notice I'm doing it. Its part of my routine, like brushing my teeth before bed. Last night, I stopped and really paid attention. I love the sound of his name. I realized, though, I always say it the same - like a sigh. I think of all the different ways I say his brother and sister's names- laughing, questioning, frustrated, frightened, joyful. I want to stand in my backyard and call Owen's name over and over in all those different ways. Most of all, though, I want him to come running when I call.
* J. is fine- thank you all for asking. Antibiotics may have changed the fate of many a 19th century literary heroine.