Saturday, December 20, 2008
Silent Night
I come here all the time, intending to post. Instead, I'll sit for awhile staring at the blank screen and then go do something else. The truth of it all is mothering afterwards is not easy, but I am afraid to complain. I don't want to tempt fate to take her from me. I would not survive.
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7 comments:
oh ashleigh...as much as i'm jealous about everyone who's got their baby after...as much as i probably won't comment (what could i say, anyway?)...i need to hear what it's like. maybe one day i'll be where you are...maybe one day. and i'll remember how you cleared the path in my brain when i (maybe) find myself where you are.
It's not complaining. It's telling the truth.
Besides, it doesn't have to be about parenting, at least not first time out. Tell us about your holidays, the weather by you, what's for dinner...
But it's good to hear from you, even if briefly.
It's such a roller coaster. I'm so weary of the ups and downs...
It's hard. But it's okay - acknowledging that it's hard isn't the same thing as saying that you don't want her. You can love your child and not like the stuff that happens.
After we lost Isabel I struggled with hanging on too tightly to my 3 year old. I think I smothered him because I was afraid to let go. Over the last year I've slowly been able to let him breathe.
You'll get there - it's a whole new normal - and you have to work it out for yourself.
But in the meantime - YES, your life is HARD. It just is. And babies can be really NOT FUN. But we love them and want them. It's okay, Ash. You're doing it perfectly.
I can only imagine how hard it is. But you are entitled to your feelings, and you do need to express them, for your own sanity.
Tempting fate...scares the living begeezus out of me. I hate it.
I have to second what charmy said.
And.
I can only imagine at this juncture what it must be like to birth a live baby after a dead one. I want it so badly and yet, I know that it comes with its own set of challenges.
This is your blog, Ashleigh. Say what you need to say. XO.
I can understand your thinking. I feel much the same most days. Ultimately it seems as though, you miss and mourn Owen.
I know that your days are not as raw as they once were, but there's no mistaking that he will always be missed. And as much as its great to see our new little one's flourish into these amazing human beings, its also hard when we know Owen and Amelie were robbed of that.
I wish you and your family a healthy and happy holiday. Best wishes to you all.
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